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A Series of Unfortunate Events
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| Raaar. |
[22 Feb 2009|03:29pm] |
I have no internet at home anymore. Again.
Stop getting passwords, morons who didn't get passwords when you first got internet service.
...I can't use Comcast again; they are dicks.
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| Oh what? |
[21 Dec 2008|03:52pm] |
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What, this old thing?
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[29 Jun 2008|11:49pm] |
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I can't remember ever in my life having hung out with Nick Floyd and NOT been painfully and horribly hungover the next day.
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| Interest-free |
[15 May 2008|10:21pm] |
I was thinking earlier today about The Loud Polish Woman at work and how she seemingly has no interests. Whatsoever. She doesn't like music. She doesn't watch TV. She isn't interested in current events or politics or art or movies. She's 26 and given a playlist of three songs, could not match band to song if the list were Elvis, The Beatles, and Anal Cunt. It's not because she's from Poland; she's lived in the US since she was five years old. What would life be like if you didn't LIKE anything? She's like an old person who's never heard of anything.
Loud Polish Woman on art: "Why would I wanna see something some dead person painted??"
Loud Polish Woman on The Beatles: "What the HELL are you listening to??"
Loud Polish Woman on The Cubs*: "They never win anyway!
Loud Polish Woman on whether the child she's carrying in her uterus is a boy or a girl: "Eh, I don't care."
*Note: She cannot name one Cub. She can't even name a baseball player, past or present. She probably can't even name another baseball TEAM.
DO-ONG. Where is my AUTO-MOBILE?
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| Letter to the author |
[28 Apr 2008|09:58pm] |
Dear Lauren Willig,
Though I enjoyed your book, "The Secret History of the Pink Carnation," which I found on the bookshelf in the break room at work, which is supplied mostly by old gossipy biddies, I unfortunately have decided never to read another of your books.
This book ended with several unresolved issues, and I was fooled into thinking they would, in fact, BE resolved based on the number of pages that were left. Unfortunately you have chosen to abruptly end the story, possibly to make room for 20 or 30 pages of thinly veiled attempts to make sure everyone knows how educated and wonderful you are. For example, "You're in graduate school and law school, yet you still find time to write novels. How do you juggle it all?" and "You have spent the last six years working on a degree in English history. Did your historical training aid in the research for this book?" Yeah, I was DYING to know the answers to those questions as I read the book, man. I was like, "How did you manage to write such a great book and still find the time to be wonderful, brilliant, amazingly talented Lauren?!"
The Q&A is some kind of attempt to make it seem that this book should be chosen as a book club type of book, but Lauren, just so you know, there is entirely too much finger banging going on here for this to be an appropriate choice for such a thing.
I see that there is an excerpt from another of your books in the back, here (more of those pages that led me to believe the story would continue), and while it does sound somewhat intriguing, I am afraid to read it, as, Lauren, you seem to be the type of writer who doesn't think we NEED to know how the story ends, and I have my suspicions that you didn't write a sufficient ending for that one either, possibly to make room for questions such as, "Lauren, you seem to be the perfect woman. Would you say that is a correct assessment?"
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| Jessica, Terry, Lou, Tyrone, Carlos, Shaniqua, Bob |
[23 Apr 2008|11:23am] |
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Sometimes at lunchtime Nicole and I will go sit in the window at Salad Creations and try to guess peoples' names as they walk by. It's startling how quickly this game can make you feel like a racist.
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[21 Apr 2008|05:04pm] |
I went in to work late this morning. I called Len at 3:52am and told him, sorry, I'm gonna be a couple of hours late. I had initially fallen asleep for maybe an hour, then stared at the clock, was sick to my stomach, and was blinded by the moon right outside my window until I un-set my alarm and fell asleep sometime around 5am.
Fuck the moon.
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[21 Apr 2008|11:42am] |
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[16 Apr 2008|05:40pm] |
I'm really very bummed about not being a part of derby anymore. I keep forgetting I'm not. Some guy in Map was talking about how the only real "sport" anymore is cage fighting. Really? I play roller derby, and -- oh, wait. I used to.
It really was a quick decision. Literally the day before, I'd bought a black skirt and skating socks at Target (returned the skirt because it looked stupid; kept the socks). I'd also "customized" my uniform the day before. I was excited to wear it. Then scrimmage time came and everyone expected me to skate, and I just couldn't go against a full team. Those six XXers the week before were mostly first year skaters who knew I was just coming back, and I didn't feel threatened. Going against the full Fury? Much different. I'm not supposed to fall, so nobody hit me, 'kay?
In related news, my knee is hurt again. Not to the point it was before, but ever since that golden retriever bashed into it at the park last weekend, it's been giving me problems. Maybe that's supposed to be some kind of assurance that I made the right decision, retiring from derby, but it sure seems cruel.
I'm depressing myself writing about this, so I will now write a Yelp review of my downstairs neighbor, that I would post on Yelp if Yelp allowed posts about people.
(1 star -- because Yelp doesn't allow zero or half stars)
Greg may be the most inconsiderate human ever to walk the earth. I always know what movie he's watching, because his TV is louder than the voice of God probably is (Walk the Line again??). He plays his acoustic guitar, I think, right in front of the open window, so the sound echoes off the side of the building next door and crashes into our window. Sometimes he sings, which is just...yeah, that's great. Every now and again, he'll play a little piece of a CD over and over and over again, like he's trying to learn the words.
He insists on spending hundreds of dollars every spring on flowers he plants in the backyard, which is where the dogs play (the dogs aren't allowed in the front yard, but he doesn't bother planting flowers there), and then gets mad when the dogs step on them. His dogs are really old and don't play, but everyone else in the building has very playful dogs. So we're going to plant flowers! In the yard where they play! Brilliant. If he notices that some of the flowers have been stepped on, he leaves a nasty note on the back door. He also leaves a nasty note if he sees some poop. Like if you let your dog out late at night (there are no lights back there) and plan to pick up the poo in the morning, he will always get up before you and find it. And write a note about it.
Currently, he is having some kind of construction work done in his apartment, which means there are lots of drilling, sawing, and hammering noises at all times. He has also blocked the back stairs that lead to the backyard with tools and plywood, so I took the dogs down the front to find the side gate that leads to the backyard blocked by several heavy bags of wood and crap. This man is a piece of shit. Never eat at his restaurant or shop at his store or use him as a dentist, Yelpers.
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[05 Apr 2008|10:57pm] |
I am mad at SmallBar again. Yes, I understand that many people who like the Cubs are idiots and/or assholes. I hate them too. However, just because I like the Cubs does not automatically make ME an idiot and/or an asshole. And I understand it's a soccer bar, but if no one's in there, is it really that off the wall of you to put the game on ONE of the tiny TVs? The guy acted like he enjoyed telling me no.
I'll just eat at home and drink at Map Room, thanks. Jerks.
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| Hello. |
[24 Mar 2008|11:41am] |
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I have the flu.
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[16 Mar 2008|04:09pm] |
I seriously have nowhere I have to be today, and that is great.
I'm watching the Cubs (and Big Z doesn't seem crazy yet), drinking an Anchor Porter, under a blanket with my feet on the ottoman. The dogs are sleeping because we were at the park for two hours.
I may not have any money in the bank, but I have groceries, a 7 day CTA pass, and gas in the car. Everything is okay.
AND I have a new icon thanks to Meg's LOST party.
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[13 Mar 2008|08:52am] |
I need more people to "follow" on Twitter.
If you are on twitter, my username is anniemaim.
Please don't ask me what it is; I'm really not sure myself yet.
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| Comedian Sinbad mentioned more times today than in past 10 years |
[11 Mar 2008|11:01pm] |
So as it turns out, Hillary Clinton has cited a trip to Bosnia she took with Cheryl Crow and comedian (I use that word lightly) Sinbad as "foreign policy experience."
Sinbad, along with singer Sheryl Crow, was on that 1996 trip to Bosnia that Clinton has described as a harrowing international experience that makes her tested and ready to answer a 3 a.m. phone call at the White House on day one, a claim for which she's taking much grief on the campaign trail.
Harrowing? Not that Sinbad recalls. He just remembers it being a USO tour to buck up the troops amid a much worse situation than he had imagined between the Bosnians and Serbs.
In an interview with the Sleuth Monday, he said the "scariest" part of the trip was wondering where he'd eat next. "I think the only 'red-phone' moment was: 'Do we eat here or at the next place.'"
Full story here: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/sleuth/2008/03/sinbad_unloads_on_hillary_clin.html
And according to a release in response from the Clinton campaign*, since Barack Obama has never been to Bosnia, he isn't qualified to be president. ...So does that mean SINBAD is?
(and sometimes Sinbad dresses like Freddy Krueger.)
....and if you wanna read about another instance of Hillary Clinton "padding" her resume of foreign policy experience, you should read more DailyKos.
*Still, defending Clinton against Sinbad the refuter, Singer said, "The sad reality of what was going on in Bosnia at the time Senator Clinton traveled there as first lady has been well documented. It appears that Sinbad's experience in Bosnia goes back further than Senator Obama's does. In fact, has Senator Obama ever been to Bosnia?"
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[26 Feb 2008|07:00pm] |
It's hard to communicate effectively over email with someone who lacks good typing-related communication skills.
The their/there/they're thing and the your/you're thing is bad enough, but when someone you know in person is not an idiot doesn't seem to understand the simplest concepts via email, you gotta wonder.
My day was full of trying to figure out if someone was mad, confused, or completely content.
I got my stuff from Bake & Destroy, but unfortunately, the shirt is better suited for a very very tiny person. I normally get a medium in t-shirts, but I noticed it was a "girly" shirt and changed to a large before I ordered it. The only thing large about this shirt is the amount of disappointment and shame I feel at not being able to fit into it.
But the Elvis cupcake toppers and the buttons and stickers made it okay.
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[20 Feb 2008|07:41pm] |
This is my new favorite picture:
It has everything, really. Props to the Virgin of Guadalupe, leopard print, and Elvis. Oh, and cupcakes.
They're from my old friend Nate's blog Bake & Destroy. We had a brief email exchange today and when I told her how much I loved it, she offered to send me some. So tomorrow, I'm gonna buy some of her stuff since I've been meaning to anyway, so she can send it all together.
Natasha, the "Knit & Destroy" shirt has your name all over it. She only has them left in Large, so if that doesn't work for you, you can fashion it into a handbag or a prom dress or something, right?
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